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So last night the boy chickened out on calling Dad to find out if he performed regular testicular self examinations. The lure of $5 was not great enough to get him to call last night. Today, however, was another story. When I picked him up and we headed home I commented, "You know you don't get the $5 until you have a conversation with Dad about the self evaluation thing."

"Uhh ... I was gonna wait and do it in person when he came home this weekend."

"If you haven't done it be the time I pull into the driveway, then the offer expires."

So he got out his phone and dialed his dad and listened to it ring .... "Hello Dad. Umm ... I wanted to ask you ... umm ... are you examining yourself for testicular cancer on a regular basis?" And then, while laughing and choking, he hung up the phone without giving his father a chance to respond.

"That", I said, "only gets you $2.50 because you didn't have a true conversation about it!"

"Awww, man!"

So I called my husband with my own cell phone, "Well? What is your answer to the question?"

My husband: "What in the hell is he talking about?"
Me: "Testicular cancer. Do you examine yourself to be sure you don't have any?"
My husband: "I already know I have testicles. Whaddya mean?"
Me: "No no no. I know you have them. He's asking if you check them regularly for anything suspicious."
My husband: "There is nothing suspicious going on in that area. For God's sake, Jacque! Good bye!" and he hung up.

The boy and I were laughing hysterically. Then the boy says, "Oh yeah. And today we talked about some kind of condition where your testicles get tight and kind of tied up around each other. I can't remember what it was called..."

Ooohh ... OOoohh ... I KNOW ... I KNOW ... TORTION TESTE ... THAT'S WHAT IT'S CALLED! So I tell the boy, "It's called Tortion Teste."

"How do you know that?", he asks.

"Because it happened to your father and he's always talking about how it was the most painful thing he's ever endured in his life. Whenever he's complaining about something related to physical pain or comparing stories with people about enduring physical pain he's always saying, '... that was bad, but it wasn't near as bad as when I got that tortion teste ... blah blah blah!', so he knows all about that!", I cheered triumphantly.

"He did?"

"Yeah. You outta call him and ask him about it. I'll give you the rest of the $5 if you do it."

So the boy calls his father, "Someone told me to call you to say that we talked about Tortion Teste in school and that someone said that it happened to you." This time his father hung up on him.

So I called my husband, "Hey! Now you know something about this topic. You should have a conversation with him about it."

My husband: "I am not going to discuss that with him. Have you lost your mind?!"
Me: "No. Seriously. Which one was it?"
My husband: "Jacque, we are not having this discussion."
Me: "Aww, come on. Which one was it?"
My husband: "I don't remember."
Me: "Don't give me that. The greatest physical pain you ever experienced in your life, as you tell me ALL the time, and you don't remember which one it was?"
My husband: "I don't remember. Everything from the waist down was in pain."
Me: "Why won't you talk about it? You're always talking about it to me."
My husband: "I'm eating cookies. I don't want to remember anything bad. Cookies are good. Goodbye, Jacque." And he hung up on me.

The boy and I were sitting in the car in the driveway laughing hysterically. I opened my wallet and gave him the $5.